A pretty girl is driving through the West. Her car runs out of gas, and an Indian comes along on a horse, and gives her a ride to a gas station. Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off with a final Ya-Hooo! and gallops off. "My God!" says the gas station guy, "What the hell were you doing to that Injun to make him holler like that?" "Why, nothing," says the girl, "I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn." "Lady,"says the guy, "Indians don't use saddles."
Aunt Mary and two of her old friends were having a glass of lemonade at her house, and talking about their health problems. "I think I must be getting old." said one of the women. "I sometimes find myself at the foot of the stairs, and I can't remember if I was going up to get something, or coming back down." "I know what you mean," added the second friend. "Sometimes I'll be standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember if I wanted to take something out, or if I had just put something in." Aunt Mary sat up. "I guess I'm better off than either of you. I haven't had any problems like that so far, knock on wood". Saying that, she rapped on the table three times. She looked at the other two women and stood up. "Excuse me," she said, "Someone's at the door."
10. You have developed Repetitive Stress Disorder from playing Solitare. 9. You've actually figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island. 8. People only come to your office to borrow pencils from the ceiling. 7. In an effort to exercise your creative side you knit a computer cozy. 6. You create an on-going email dialog with your computer at home. 5. No longer content with merely photo-copying your butt, you now scan it and enhance it using Photoshop. 4. After months of taking frequent breaks, you now only require a single can of coke to belch the names of all seven dwarves. 3. You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis. 2. The 18-hole 3 par mini-golf course in your office. 1. The 4th Division of Paper Clips has overrun the Push pin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish.
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?" she asks. The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"
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